Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old

Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Woman is a memoir authored by model, actress, and entrepreneur Brooke Shields (with Rachel Bertsche). She writes for an audience of middle-aged women and reflects on the ways her relationships with herself, her work, and her friends and family changed as she entered midlife. Shields critiques the gendered ageism that impacts everything from social interactions to women’s healthcare, using examples from her lived experience, and provides advice for women adapting to midlife changes.

This guide refers to the 2024 edition published by Flatiron Books.

Content Warning: The source material and guide feature depictions of gender discrimination, sexual violence, illness, mental illness, and addiction. In particular, they also discuss a nonconsensual medical procedure.

Summary

This memoir reflects on the intersection of gender and aging in contemporary American society. Shields, who has spent most of her life in the public eye, is uniquely positioned to comment on this topic because the public has watched her grow older. She contends that the Media’s Role in Shaping Perceptions of Aging is significant but also reflects social conceptions of aging women. Shields reflects that men treat older women as either invisible or with disdain because of The Societal Obsession With Youth and Beauty. She also comments on topics like shifting relationships with one’s children, the impact of becoming an empty nester, marriage, sex, menopause, friendship, and taking new chances later in life. Shields finds Empowerment Through Aging and encourages other women entering midlife not to see this phase as one of decline but as a new apex in life that brings novel and exciting opportunities.

Though Shields finds satisfaction in middle age, she does not shy away from addressing its challenges. She once saw 50 as “old” and feared aging and the mysterious changes it brings, like menopause. Shields was a model, actress, and object of desire for much of her career. This publicity also forced her to confront her aging face and body, as she noticed that passersby on the street no longer cast admiring looks her way but instead focused on her daughters. She likewise noticed wrinkles and garnered comments from others about the need to do something about it. She found these changes jarring but concludes that others’ problems with and negative comments about her getting older say more about the commenters than about her. As the public watches Shields aging, they are reminded that they are getting older, too.

Aging, however, is not something to fear. Shields encourages readers to embrace the privileges and joys of aging, like newfound confidence and the courage to say “no” to opportunities and obligations that one does not find appealing or fulfilling. No longer the people pleaser of her youth, Shields finds freedom in midlife. Career pressure, marital concerns, and fertility consumed her youth, but age has liberated her from those pressures. Her daughters leaving home for college brought sorrow but also opened up discretionary time that motherhood once consumed: “Finding yourself in a period where you are no longer needed in the same ways may not only free you up to focus on other activities and yourself but it also forces you to confront yourself. To own up to who you are, and what you want or need” (18). Shields can devote time to herself and relish solitude (which she distinguishes from loneliness), and she has embarked on a new business venture, establishing her line of hair care products, Commence, designed specifically for older women. Her contentment has only increased with age, which research confirms in a common phenomenon: “This era of forty-plus really is when things get easier, or maybe it’s just that we feel better equipped, but either way, happiness is on the upswing” (23).

Shields contextualizes her experiences throughout, showing that research on gender and aging indicates that her experiences represent widespread phenomena that impact many women. For example, she had little knowledge about menopause and did not speak to her doctor about her symptoms for two years after their onset. Studies show that most women have little understanding of menopause before they experience it and get information on the subject from friends or online. Studies also indicate that physicians have minimal training in the condition, leaving them poorly equipped to help and inform their women patients. 

Similarly, research shows that women in midlife are underrepresented in popular media. Almost no women of middle age are shown in advertisements, despite their spending power, confirming Shields’s assertion that her opportunities as a spokesperson and actor have become more limited with age. Shields, however, has charted her own course. She enjoys working and has pivoted herself to business; opportunities within the entertainment industry became limited, and she became comfortable saying “no” to roles that she did not find appealing. She encourages other women to see middle age as an opportunity to pursue new goals or past dreams, strengthened by the courage and experience that comes with age. She acknowledges that trying new things can be scary, but the excitement of the unknown overshadows her fear because she knows from experience that she can overcome challenges. She encourages other women in midlife to pursue their passions and interests, seeing this stage of life as a fresh start rather than the beginning of the end.